Lib new life!

Love.

2011-03-20T02:54:00.002+08:00

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Keep emoing.

2011-01-29T19:08:00.003+08:00

I have been down the whole day...
Like seriously whole day.

I can't think of anything...
Other then her...
Went thru all our old blogs... read them... listen to all our old songs...
hiding in this pathetic room... not dare to face anyone in the world.

did not even attend church when I could actually make it in time if i really rush...
haiz.
what have i become again...

Just sitting here in the only chair in my room.
Thinking, crying, with a heartache.

Feel like giving up.
It's been so long, why am I not out of this situation yet?
WHY?

God... Are you there for me? I can't feel you...

People do come and goes...

2011-01-10T15:14:00.002+08:00

Been damn freaking long since I post...
And normally when I am down to a extent that tears flow, I will blog...

I dunno what's wrong with me...
I felt very lost...

I got to know this girl around 5 weeks ago...
Feel really comfortable around her, its like i am able to chat freely... Which normally i cant.
Haha my best buddy Anni yea...

But I got a feeling, we will distance each other soon...
It's always like this...

I don't wish to lose my close ones anymore...
But it can't be help...

The first ever person who I lose is my jie...
The closest person in my life...

I felt like the same thing gonna happen again...

It's okay. I am prepared.
Like what jie says,

People come, people goes.

Wishlist, the add on.

2010-10-04T03:36:00.002+08:00

LOL i finally remember what I want...

I was like thinking, "I remember I want to buy a lot of things since years ago but no money since years ago"

now i remember everything! well almost

A Camera
A bike
More clothes!

^^

My latest wishlist.

2010-09-24T22:41:00.003+08:00

I was thinking about the things I wanna accomplish, and I thought that, they are wishes too right?

Like suddenly, there are just so many things I wanna do or need to do...

Well, let's start.

Wishlist:
1) First and foremost, QUIT SMOKING.
2) Learn how to play guitar
3) Of course, to restring my guitar, and buy a new guitar...
4) Slim down, healthy lifestyle!
5) Vulgarities control, my vulgarities are super little already, almost none, but my aim is total none... I realise I still do say at times, or in my heart... I want totally no vulgarities! And I realise a slight increase these days...
6) Temper control, maybe the reason for my increase in vulgarities... Well, one of the hardest challenge! I have bad and short temper! Said by a lot of people... But i am improving well!
7) Make my room nicer and more cosy
8) Single's Club. Well you know what I want for SC... haha
9) Hard drive, I need one like since last year... LOL
10) Latte making, I am still a total newbie in it, although I think I had improve super a lot from infos in internet... still I wanna learn more and master the skills of making latte!
11) new computer, heard from my bro he can get a decent one with just approximately $300 plus from his friend, but he wanna buy one to test it first, if it is good, my turn. I haven had a comp for ages, and no, i want a comp, not a laptop!
12) Her. the one that rejected me. Still my feelings are the same...

Well, that's it!
Rather then wishlist, its more of a aim for me... lols! excluding the last one which is nothing but a wish, for it is impossible... she said it. haha
AND, my bday coming soon, if you dunno what to buy, hehe...
well jk, those items i want are all kinda ex... haha

Til the next post, see ya!

A story just for you.

2010-08-18T23:55:00.001+08:00

Sitting by the window, I think of you.
In this night where stars are few.
Missing you is not something new.
Wishing you could know how I feel.

Sitting by the cafe, having a meal.
On this night I saw nothing but you.
Missing you was nothing but real.
Wishing you could have my same view.

Sitting by the window, my heart is filled.
In this night where kisses merge with seals.
Missing you while being with you.
Wishing nothing, for all are fulfilled.

Sadly, the person who i wanted to give this to, can never read it. For she'll never be mine...

Jaynus is <3

2010-03-15T01:06:00.001+08:00

Yes Jaynus is <3 I will love her forever cus she is nothing but <3
Dun sad sad anymore dear, Me will always be here with you...
We will have more days ahead like today, or even more then today... when we can go other place! haha

Yea today had great fun with Jaynus...
I first went to her house, then we went lot 1 together...
we ate kfc lol but then i dunno she eating what everything also say scared fat... lol

then we was like deciding what to do next, so we went all around lot 1...
wanted to play pool, but she always dun want cus she say she dunno how to play lol...

then we sit at the bus stop deciding where to go... after a lot of discussion we decided on the coffee bean at jurong point lol...
yea we went there, sit down, lim kopi...

we was folding roses with their napkins LOL...
ok really too bored nothing to do... haha
I fold my way of rose, she fold her way... haha
but i still think mine nicer!

then we went to safra makan...
the dunno what japanese food place de... then i ate western food there in a japanese "food court"
lol

Yea then we went home, cus my "girlfriend", julian, wanna go to london to further studies and work there and not coming back to sg le... she say coming back after one year... aww...

then yea, see the time, then sainz 1/2, cus very late liao and i was actually suppose to go SC outing de, but then i like become the pilot lol...
sadly...

gonna sleep soon...
tml working <3
haha

Time for another new walk of life.

2010-02-24T03:43:00.002+08:00

I'm lost.
Totally lost...

My heart hurts with every flashbacks of her...
Time and time people could easily find another one as her love...
But not me... Just a stupid retarded who only know how to love one.

She might has lost her grandma...
I have lost her...
She's no longer the one, I use to know...
She's not the old one, who stole my heart...
She's never the same person.

Each day, I hope that I could have the old feelings back...
The feeling of feeling really happy... Feeling really loved...

But never again...
I know...
Never again, it will happen...

And now, I do not even know, are all those "love" I had real?
Or am I just being lead on...

I guess she's having another relationship again already from the way she reacts...
I'm the only stupid one who do not know how to love another and miss another...
Yea... So stupid...
Even people asked me to go out with them they wanna intro girls to me and confirm millions time better then her... I rejected them all...
How stupid I was huh...

It hurt's...
But I guess it's time to find someone new worthy of my love...
Someone who is faithful. Who don't hides everything from me...

I don't know if it's right or wrong to find someone new and if not suitable, then another new one...
But I'll try it, since someone is doing it soo oftenly...

Well, one of my sisters say she'll show me so called million times better...
I shall see, how true it will goes...

No doubt,
I'll forget the past.
I will not bother shits anymore...

My life from now on will only have 2 things.
Work and fun. I won't care about anything else.
And oh ya of course my sweet sister who wanna intro me girls...

Cheers~

"Don't stay in your comfort zone"

2010-02-05T18:02:00.004+08:00

I didn't went for my interview today...
Yes, I have fallen again to my own emotions...
Crying at home after you left...
No strength to go for my interview...

I said before...
I know what you think and know how you feel...
You can't hide anything from me...

You couldn't leave anything behind.
Especially your baby...
I wanted to use my last 6 months to help you to get strong...
To leave you past and able to rely on yourself and no one else except god... Yes no one, not even relying on me and make me your past too... Which is why I said it's ok not to have a relationship when you ask that day.
But it seems like it's wishful thinking on my part always trying my best to help...
And you doesn't even bother about it...
And he is baby to you, while I am only Pika to you.

Seems like you are not tired about the life you are having now and want to continue like this...
Then so be it...

Since you can't forget whatever things and want it so much...
Then so be it...

I said before...
If you are not willing to change and give up everything to start a new life...
I can't help anything.

I even know who exactly you went out with today...
You see...
I could read you like a book...

Whatever my efforts has gone to waste...
For you are not willing, I can't do anything...

Even when I told you I only have 6 months left...
You wanted to go back to him after the 6 month is over...

I don't wish to waste my time like this...
Sacrificing everything I have to change you while behind me, you plan to go back to your old self after it...

Let's talk about God for awhile...
God gave me something to do...
Like he gave everyone something to do, I've mine too...
And my job is, to help everyone.

I believe you know, I've always people having problems coming to me... And over the net I've always been advicing people... Especially their emotions and helping them to get strong...

There also have been cases whereby even though we never meet, but that person over the net needs me so much that she spend all her time on me over the net, treating me as her everything...
Well that's a case whereby she relied on me to feed her emotionally and let her be happy...
But my real job is, to let her walk alone strongly again...
Yea, what I am doing to these people is to help them to be able to stand strong alone, then it's good bye for us...

That's my plan for you too...
I want you to rely on me now...
Letting go of everything you have, and only have me and rely on me...
Then I'll bring make you strong...

But one thing I made a mistake is that, you won't rely on me... Because you are the only one who saw all my weaknesses... While those over the net always see me as someone they respect and someone strong...

Which is why, you never trusted I can.

Again back to God...
God gave me this job... To help people around me...
When I slided back to God after backsliding for so many years, I could hardly hear God words... But I caught a little glimpe of it...
But now I know I can communicate with God a lot better then the past...
And I know God wanted me to help as much people as possible around me as possible...
One of them is my brother, and if you realise my relationship with my brother is getting better everyday...

And God gave me a power to understand people to help people...
I at times can read people like a book... What are they thinking I know them all...
It's a very wonderful power God gave me... A very great power too...
I often understand people, but at time I have no clue how to help... You are one of them I do not know how to help...

Well...
I've decided to go into NS asap...
Since the 6 months is no longer needed...
Hopefully after the 2 years, I know how to use the power God gave me better...
And if you haven't change...
I'll be back to help you...

Ohh anyway,
About Andy...
He's not stupid either... Unlike a lot of other guys in your life, he knows what you need... The need to not rely on others and stand strong alone...
He actually can help you to a certain extent too...
Well it's not creepy that I know what is he thinking...
Even with the slightest information, I know that he is smart...
Haha that's the power God gave me...
To understand people and know what are they thinking...
But still, he has one weakness that block him from helping you...
In fact, the same weakness that I had...

If you realise...
I did not ask you to stop contacting him...
I only ask you, are you going to still contact with him...
But til now, you have never answer that question...
If only you had answer that question... I would have the next step for you...
Either yes or no, I've plan for that...
But I won't deny, I was hoping for a no, and know that the answer in your heart is a Yes...

Well...
I guess it's time to end this post...
There is actually just one phrase that you need to understand for you to get the kick start of going into a new life with happiness...
"Don't stay in your comfort zone."
Haha it's very hard to understand... And the only thing I want to do this 6 months is to let you understand that...
Since I won't be leading you anymore...
Please...
You can forget about all things...
But just remember that phrase...
"Don't stay in your comfort zone."

This is the thing...
That is making me happy now... Even though at time i still couldn't control my emotions...
But because of this phrase which I use almost a year to understand what can it give me... I am becoming more and more happy...
That's the thing...
I wanted to give you...
That's the thing...
Which will help you...
That's the thing, which will make you strong...

That's a thing which actually give you a lot of other things...
And you need to do a lot of things to achieve that...

Remember that phrase...
Don't give up in seeking your happiness in yourself...
Happiness is gain by yourself...
You can't be happy relying on others except God and yourself...

I'll see you again...
And I won't give up in trying to help you to achieve True happiness...
A real thing...
But if you can do it yourself...
Then good...
Remember that phrase and think about it real hard all the time...
^^

With loves,
Pika

Truth...

2010-02-05T00:17:00.003+08:00

I've done all I can...
If you are not willing...
I can't do anything...

Seems like it's not 2 weeks...
But just one week... Lesser then one week...

I believe I've never care for someone that much in my life before...
Til the extent of giving up everything...

I said I trusted you already...
But you still constantly find faults in me...

I did ask you to make up your mind, whether you want to throw your old self away...
You said yes...
But I guess it's a no actually...

For you still hang on to the past...
Reason or excuses, it's all the same...
Clinging on to the past...

I have nothing else to say...
Do what you want then...

And I will always remember your smile and the sign of relieve when I said you are free to do what you want
Yes. I saw a smile.

Do what you want then...
I cannot control you...
I cannot advice you...
I cannot guide you...
If you are not willing.

3rd day.

2010-01-19T13:15:00.002+08:00

1st and 2nd day went well... quite well... haha
today's the third day!

Well, when i say went well, i meant that I endured well...
Endurance is still the key! ^^

I won't say how much longer can I endure...
Because I am gonna endure to the shits until it become part of me, thus gaining self dicipline.

I am gonna step out of my comfort zone.

I create a weekly schedule for myself... What to do each day and what's important...
Including prayers, exercise, fasting, reading bible all sort of things...

And the only challenge for it is...
How am I gonna follow it and endure thru it...
Well last 2 days has been good... I've been following... And enduring...
Though everything still sux at the moment...

But I believe, great things awaits me...
For god has A dream, A plan for me, greater then all these...
All these are preperation and another stepping stone for me to conquer greater heights!
If I can't do these basics, I can't do much greater things!

Jia you pika!
Allllllllll the wayyyyyy~

On a side note, I'm happy that The box of ciggs I brought on sunday still left half a packet whakaka... I saved a lot of money even in just a few days! ^^
Meeting tessa tonight, geez... I'll just give myself some allowance lol...
oops.

K gtg work now le,
Cheers~!

Mulitple Updates.

2010-01-16T23:17:00.003+08:00

Random facts:
well one thing i realise is that, I dun label my post anymore lols...

My stupid computer is going haywired again... well it will recover itself suprisingly...
lol

Today!

Church.
TODAY WAS SUPER EXCITING! I GUESS THE MOST EXCITING SVC I EVER ATTEND!
no wonder i was happy for no reason this morning...
somehow funny and excited for svc for no reason... and me being excited for svc is RARE. Always drag myself there to tell the truth. lol
Went there today. Worship was WONDERFUL! How long has it been since I had such an experience during worship... haha
Well, something got into my head today... at least... which is the doctor part, saying about no matter what happen, god's plans for us will still come. ^^
Pastor preaching today, to sum things up, Mindset. Period.

But, the most wonderful thing about today's svc is...
WE GOT THE LAND! WEEEEEE!!!
Exact location has yet to be told, but soon... We shall know it...

lol

then we proceed to mummy house, play monopoly again...
seems like it's pretty hard to get bored on it... haha

Then the thing that impact me most today is...
The conversation with Xue Ting on the way home.

Sorry Xue Ting, I know you are trying to encourage me and trying to help me...
But instead, it's an encouragement that discouraged for some reason.

I think I'm doing a good job now and I felt that I am improving myself a lot...
regardless of knowleadge, self-discipline, maturity or some other areas...
I am really stretching myself already to become better.

I have not been staying just in my comfort zone, and always trying to improve especially my self discipline.
Just talking about games...
I'm a mad gamer. I can play days and night without sleeping. just super addicted... Since young...
And the game that really really hook me up is dota... Even just a few months ago, all on my mind is to get home asap to dota... regardless school, work, or whatever, i am just thinking of dota and wanting to get home quick. Just super addicted to it...

I am proud to say now that, I am no longer addicted to it.
It's not that I quit gaming totally, but I am not addicted like last time for sure... I really use to spend 4-5hours EVERYDAY just on dota... But not anymore. I hardly play 2-3hrs in one WEEK.
My laptop is use for gaming while my desktop for other purpose.
And, I did not even on my laptop for days. Dun bother to even on it for i find no reason to on it...

But still thanks xue ting for always being there for me... Cheers! You are one of my best friend girl! ^^

You got me into thinking also just now... I actually sitted down below my block before I went home and was... ya sorry to say but smoking but also thinking, what else can I do to improve...
And a quote came up to my mind, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."
Though it's not like I have totally no plans at all, I have a plan of what to do until NS, people in sgForum should know what's my plan...
What I thought of just now is, to write out every single aspect of my life and make plans for them, and to get them into my daily activities...
In other word, a super detailed plan on how my life is going to be like.

I'll make the "goal setting" jasmine gave me just now useless...
Because the goal setting wouldn't have enough space to contain everything...
haha

And, I am gonna PEN DOWN everything and PASTE everything on my wall XueTing ^^

haha
til then, I'm lazy to type more le...
And I guess it's pretty stupid to have a post with wall of text lol...
I'll put 3 quotes to end off,
"do your best, and god will do the rest."
"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."
"Don't prioritize your schedule, schedule your priority."

Health.

2010-01-15T03:08:00.000+08:00

Well, seems the past 2 weeks i keep thinking about my health.
It's... really getting worst...

My cough is getting damn bad nowadays...
My tummy is getting bigger also lol... I think i am no longer 75kg...

Someone trigger me just now...
A stranger from facebook though lol...

I WILL try to slim down.
At least a bit lol...

but...
i working in mac sia...
really...
hard...
to...
resist...
food...

Nvm.
There's a will, there's a way.
But I need to find my will... haha

Today while working, god told me something.
"Do my best, he will do the rest."
Yup. It came true! ^^
I wrote it down in my organiser... hehe.

OK man! Cut down on smoking and foods! And try to exercise!
WILL POWERRRRR

I am guai today!

2010-01-09T05:13:00.002+08:00

How rare... I woke up on time...
How long has it been since I am not late... lol
I remembered i use to be a super punctual guy... Always early... Not merely early, but a lot earlier...
When I wake up, no need alarm clock I also can wake up...
Or mum just give a slight knock on the door I would've heard it...

But now...
I become a guy who ALWAYS late...
Late for work, late for school, late for church, late for ANYTHING!
Yes, I will even be late for games late for my own meals... Just simply everything...
Haiz what has become of me...

BUT BUT!
Today I woke up early!
BUT BUT BUT BUT, even though I woke up early I was late for interview for 30mins -.-"
lol
Is like I just need to be late...
Anyway I feel happy that I woke up early ^^
My first step!
haha

Also, I started straight away... working... lol is like dun even have interview...
haha
I'm to loveable~ lols
cus... I finally went to an FnB job... well only FnB line appreciate my talants lols

Then after working, went to meet kevin and bowen cus they was nearby... when I reach there... they was playing...
Monopoly deal -.-"
Anyway, I am gonna save money to buy it too ^^
IT'S DAMN FUN!
The whole chalet 50% of the time we are playing that LOL
And i found my kaki to play also le~ After i buy sure pester tessa come out play with me and her bunch of friends lol

I came home, play some games... And REALLY is SOME...
then... in the middle of the night... at 3am...
I am cleaning my room making lots of noises...
I wash my whole fan and now it's shinyyyyyyyyyy~
hehe
i think i am going to bed soon...
shag.

Kinda happy at myself today...
and jie jie is gonna buy me sweet cus I am guai today weeee! haha
And i pester joanna also but dunno she will buy not lol...
actually i dun like sweet... just want to act one xiao didi LOL

Though happy...
Some parts still hurts...
yesterday... while on the way to *work*... was taking train...
I woke up... at kallang station i remembered...
and i saw opposite...
someone...
I ji tao chua tio...
That person really really look like her...
But I couldn't really see her face properly...
But it really really does look like her a lot... the way the person dress the person sit almost everything...
I thought it was really her for some time...
after staring at her for quite a long time, i just felt that, her shoulder is a little big... so not her...
lols
but then, for some reason my heart was acheing...
just seeing someone that resemble her could make me go crazy...
If it was really her...
I don't know what will happen...
haiz.
how long has it been...
how long more do i need to recover...
haiz...
how long has it been...
Since this tears has shed...

Chalet and coundown, 2010!

2010-01-01T23:43:00.002+08:00

Yup. I am back!
After a looooooong MIA... haha
First of all HAPPY NEW YEAR! Weeee~! Sorry for everyone who sms me... For my phone wasn't charge at all for 6-7days... and i didn't have time to charge it haha that's why no one can contacted me...
anyway
I was in chalet... 4d3n chalet... imba long haha

I was the only one who reach there first and leave there last... haha

the first thing after i entered the chalet is...
"what the... SO DIRTY THIS PLACE BUEY TAHAN!"
super sainz 1/2.
then no choice... i go count the items in the chalet according to the checklist... make calls and tell them what is missing, and check the electrical metre...
then sweep and mop the whole place... really buey tahan...
dusty dirty ugly. uncomfortable.

then, we have steamboat...
not inside the chalet, but OUTSIDE! haha around the trees and cats we ate there... was fun and unique~
then we have our appreciation night, first time joining them for the appreciation night... i was the photographer cus i stole mummy camera and dun want return haha~ I <3 taking photo~

then it's gift exchange~ sad that, the person i brought present for wasn't there... but tml i gotta see him ^^
My present was Benjamin give de... a tie ^^ sweet with a cute funny light haha
Was fun... really fun ^^

Then, they was playing monopoly cards all the way, while i was doing housekeeping...
cus i really buey tahan the envorioment there... the whole kitchen i clean up all the things... the hardest part is, i got no cloth -.-"

then play wii~!!! WII IS FUNNNNNNNN
haha
then sleep next day.

Second day, breakfast was prepared by....
ME! haha make milo for all and bla bla bla...
haha
after that we played captains ball, tired.

then just keep playing and playing that's all i know lol
we went to cycle also, I HATE THE BIKE SEAT! my ass is hurting like mad and i really was standing and riding my bike...
went to OCH, woooo but too dark we no touch light so didn't really go in...

then again back to chalet, play play sleep.
haha
the next day
no breakfast today... cus all sleep like pig til late...
then we ate lunch also i cook de! My noodles nice lor~~~ haha I <3 cooking~

then last day, go home...

The BEST part of the chalet is...
the one that always keeping me accompany is...
the one that is did not mention at above is...
THE MEOW MEOW THERE!
there was like 9 cats and 2 kittens there... SUPER CUTE >.<"
I feed them every day! Give them drink water also... sayang sayang them, play with them until become good friend le... I "tsk tsk" then they all will come liao... haha then i go where all also follow de... >.<"
Imagine you are surrounded by 9 cats all walking around you, and where you walk they also go... so fun... early in the morning you "tsk tsk" then all come...
at second floor playing cards halfway bored go window "tsk tsk" all come also...
haha
>.<"
<3 the cats lotss but so sad i won't have the chance to see them again :(

anyway, after that, i went home, and went out again, to sara's jie house...
play and enjoy and nothing else... haha
until just now then come back...
ok i lazy to type le...
go sleep liao byeeee

Last 2 weeks of the year.

2009-12-27T16:29:00.002+08:00

Last 2 week of the year.
I did nothing meaningful...
Nothing useful...
Nothing at all...

But there is only something I've decided to do.
Enjoy.

Since I am not working anymore at the last 2 weeks of this year, I decided to PLAY TO THE MAX.
After that, my normal life shall continue...

Thursday 24th is the start of all fun...
CHRISTMAS SERVICE AT JURONG WEST! WEEEEE!
Fun, enjoy the service... Weeeee~
After that, rushed down to sara's house...
PLAY TIL THE MAX!
haha

25th, STILL AT SARA'S HOUSE!
haha we played wii until my hand muscle pain sia... til now still pain lol...
But SupER fun! then go home after that... well that's my christmas...

Though 25th might be over...
The party has... ONLY JUST BEGUN!

26th.
Went service again with dearest cell group members <3 them lotss haha
Fun fun~!
after that, went to fatum house, a yearly event every year held at his house...
haha NATALIE WAS THERE!!! aww... miss her soooooo... hugssss <3

then 26th was jj's bday also... went to his house... whakaka enjoy myself there also... the noodles is. Imba. ^^

until all the way til 27th, today morning... went home, didn't sleep but only doze off for one hours in my pathetic chair lol...
then went out to buy foods and other stuff... sounds boring? but IT'S EXCITING.
FOR ALL ARE PREPARATION FOR THE ULTIMATE FUN!
CHALETTTTTTTTTT!

so now, 27th 4.30pm, i am at home typing this, later 6pm going to bugis buy present, then I guess, after that i should have a rest... for i have not been resting well at all since 24th.

and and... tml...
CHALET!
28th, 29th, 30th.
weee that's why i must sleep tonight... cus chalet i DUN PLAN TO SLEEP.
Cheers.

after that...
31st...
sara's house again for NEW YEAR COUNTDOWN!!!
WEEEEEEE NONE STOP ACTIVITIESSSSS!!!

haha

all the way from 24th til the last day this year, everyday is filled with activities til i can't breath...
but
I know
This year
Shall be the best year of my life.
Never had I, enjoyed soooo much in my life before...
Really felt very molested(touched) by my friends around me...
Every single groups of friends...
thanks man... this year has been the best for me...
The best...

It's not how you start the year... But how you end it...
This year nothing has been going in my way, my plans...
everything aspect of my life falls... Yes... Every single one...
Finance, studies, carrier, relationship...
But i thank god...
To let me able to enjoy my last few days this year...

Even as i am enjoying...
I always felt something is missing...
Everytime i walk away alone and smoke during this season...
My heart ache...
For some reason...
It's acheing more then normal times...

The sky was full of stars yesterday too...
Yes it was really like something blasted out in the sky causing so many stars to concentrate on the small sky i saw...
It was very very nice... The first time in my life, I saw such a beautiful sky...
Nothing compared to when i was with cherrysanta lying down on basketball to count... (the night i saw the most star)...
But, who else has saw the wonder sky yesterday?
I guess it was only me...

ohh well...
Next year shall be a new start of everything...
I want nothing.
But one thing.
Changes...
Not for the worst, but for the better...
I shall leave all my bad memories behind, all hurtful memories behind, all past bad events behind... Every single thing...
2009 has been a year of suffering... nothing goes right...
But I know, 2009 is the year I enjoy my life the most...

2010.
I shall leave my old self behind...
And change into a new guy.
People, everyone, my friends, my love one, whoever who cares for me, see me change...
I will do it without fail this year.

My aim this year.
Clear my 3k+ debts...
Start serving NS at least by the end of year...
Financial stable and able to bring parents out...
Travel. I always wanted to travel out of singapore for sometime...
To where with who... I dunno... But I just want to go out of singapore...
I want to change into a better man who can control my emotions better, control my discipline too...

That's about it...
Goodbye 2009...
My most memorable, painful and enjoyable year.

Nicotine.

2009-12-10T21:15:00.002+08:00

No one is accompany me every night except for my nicotine... <3 nicotine. haha
Have yet to find a new job... Haiz how sia...

I need to support my nicotine... haiz... no job no nicotine...
T.T
lol

kk i think i will never be able to quit if i continue to like this haha

Activities...

2009-12-07T23:01:00.003+08:00

Lots, Of, Activities...
I dunno whether want to go or not...

Christmas is the main thing...
A lot of celebration here and there...
Some timing even clash...
Chalet too...
argh
The main problem is, no money...

Sad...
What should I do...

Well, I guess I won't be attending much of them...
Sara jie side might go, chalet also will go, other then that i doubt i will be going elsewhere...
Yea I doubt i'll be going out with my cellgroup too...

Well, it's ok, I'll work hard. ^^

Angels

2009-12-06T03:17:00.002+08:00

WOOO!!! Angels are just so cool!
Whakakaka~ I didn't know what are angels actually until today!~~~
Angels are our servent and we can ask them to do things for us! ok only for proper things and not just anything... "Not for helping you to find parking lots"
lol
COOL!!!

And also, I know a new way of detox today!
hehe~ going to try it... but then one of the rule is that, "no drugs, no nicotine"
Argh... I try lah
lol Endure!~~!

I am going to really try something...
Something that really will test my mental strength...
Something that is really mental torture at first...
Something which is pretty dangerous if didn't take care well...
And if i succeed the something, either my bad habits will change, or remains the same...
It's something that will help me physically and mentally and spiritually...
Something... wonderful~!
Hopefully i don't give up half way...
Tml shall be the start!
7 december 2009 til 13december 2009...
woo
I can't wait to taste the real challenge!

For now, I'll plan first... if the planning failed, things will go wrong and my health is in risk...
Again if i succeed, my health will get better or so it is said...
lol

Boo I am not gonna say what is it until i succeed in it!
haha
Don't worry it's something that will help me instead of harming me lol

Tears IV

2009-12-04T10:36:00.002+08:00

A cold and lonely night...
Companied by nothing but my ciggs...

How long has it been... Since I led my new life... Walking alone... Without her...
Nothing can stop this memories from flowing...
Nothing can dries this tears...

Stayed up the whole night, in this cold and pathetic room...
Companied by nothing, but tears and ciggs...
No matter how bad a fiction story goes, it's happy ending...
Too bad, it's called fiction for a reason, unreal.

I have no strength... At all...

medical drunk~

2009-11-18T03:43:00.002+08:00

Last night...
couldn't sleep...
went out for a walk...
freezing cold...
I lay down...
on somewhere high, and look at the sky...
the old times...
will never come back...
for sure.

well i've been pretty sick today...
couldn't even walk properly...
haha
if anyone knows me, they would know i would never see a doctor or take medicine...
unless being force or scold, that is...
yea i was FORCE to take medication... a bottle of cough syrup i think?
Well, mum says, "Take 2 big spoon of that with warm water..."
i took it, estimated 2 big spoon, and simply pour it into my mouth...
the next thing i know is, from full bottle, it became half...

i was thinking, ah who cares... nothing will go wrong...
but i was wrong...

In game, dotaing, while i was taking first blood, i saw 2 of my sniper there, which suppose to be one only...
and...
the next thing is, dota minimap is spinning, i couldn't see any enemies...
lol

type my last words to my team, and i went off to bed...

halfway thru, i vomited, just like this, onto my floor... coooool!
well, i went to toilet, wash up myself, and went back to bed, leaving the vomit on the floor, for i got NO strength to clean them...

the feeling i have is like when i was drunk...
just half a bottle of medicine and do such a thing...
powerful... haha and all happens in just 10mins after i drank it...
next time no need buy alcohol, drink cough syrup and you can get high~~
haha

well, even til now, i am still feeling the effects... giddy...

Sickness and death...

2009-11-16T22:46:00.003+08:00

super sick...
super super...
giddy and headache... almost never visited me in my life... but they seems to stick to me today worst then super glue...
I am bleeding whenever i shit... and my ass hurts even when i am sitting...
my cough was so bad that i need to grab on something whenever i cough... my throats hurts like mad...
til...
i did not touch a single stick today...
I tried to smoke a puff... but my throat couldn't take it... i hold the cigg on my hand all the way and never took another puff again...

Death...
My grandmother... condition is critical now...
The whole family was ask for a meeting today with the doctors... to dicuss... if she were to stop breathing... do we want to open a hole in her throat or somewhere around there...
but that would mean suffering, and death in the end too...
the answer was made...
we will let her go without pains...
if the time is here, the doctors were to rush and send her back to her house, and she will leave this world there...
Tears could not be controlled for most of us...

No appetite.

IC was lost, made an report just now...
Cheers, another thing i need to pay now...
Let's see what else can get wrong in my fuck up life.

Forsaken Memories...

2009-11-15T14:04:00.002+08:00

By now I guess certain someone had move on for sure...
Pretty obvious...

For me...
Even dreams has sights of her shadows... always lingering...

How could I, forsake this memories...

I watch 2012 just now... What I felt best part about the story is not that they all decided to open the doors... But when the family got together... The true love the surface out during crisis...
I doubt it will happen in my life...

People ask... why am I still wearing that...
I would reply with a smile and say, it's just an accessory on I like...
but they know, it contains memories i could never forsake...

Dear lord...
Help me...
I am...
Barely surviving...
Everyday...
And almost everything...
Reminds me of her...

I really wish I could stab a knife straight into my heart...
And end this pain...

Everytime i think of death...
2 person will appear in my mind...
My mum... and My Lord...
It seems like they are my only reason left to live...

I am very in pain...
Save me... please...
end my torture...

Outing canceled.

2009-11-09T15:09:00.003+08:00

I decided...
The last time I would be disappointed...
Will be yesterday...
I don't...
Ever wanted to be hurt again...

When at first i said we will only playing dota you was so sad...
And i did something just for you...
To organise another outing JUST for you...
And... Yea... Guess I am no longer in even a single tiny part of your life anymore...
Ok then, I shall accept fate...

Even when reading your blog... I don't know does that person who you said will keep inside your special corner me... For such words had been use on others before... I no longer know does this love still continue for your side...
But all I know is...
I will, for mine.

Drop that topic... actually I type the first 1 and half paragraph at office...
crying... while typing... And someone saw me... which is why i stop typing... forgotten what i wanna say, well nvm... Just reach home...

Back to yesterday...
I canceled the outing... For it's meaningless already...
Met tessa nevertheless, the one with accident... LOL
Ate subway, the first time i order subway myself haha... Then she was teaching me how to order lol...
Oh ya, she poor thing, cannot eat anything that contain iron... then i give her one whole list of food that contain iron... she is like "WTF"... haha... she say hack care then whenever she eat i keep reminding her she is taking in iron LOL...

today...
My buddies and sisters in office are the one closest to me now... haha especially mr qin shi... although forever tio scolding... but well... haha cus i didn't listen to him most of the time... He is a car achiver now... Hope he buy his car soon and got someone to send me home liao >.<"

Yea...
I gonna be... walking this hard path alone... hardly anyone know how pain i felt now... for i am use to putting a masked of being happy le... they all thought i have move on... but none know how hurt i am still... except for some...

but i know...
Life has to go on...
I can't be in this stage forever...
I need to adjust my mood... and fight for what i want...

Move on... i dunno how long i need... one year?
Dun dream or plan to meet her... at least for now... for i'll know it worsen my feelings...
but still... no one can console me... except for the one that hurt me...
ironic isn't it... the one who can hurt and console me is the same person...

it's ok...
I'll try to improve my productive rate...
Improve my time management...
and lots of other area...

for now...
i gtg...
see ya...

Thanks my friends who has been there for me... though it doesn't help much... but you are appreciated... thanks.

Wishlist

2009-11-06T03:03:00.002+08:00

Been wanting to write a wishlist...
And not just wish...
I gonna make Dreams and Wishes come true...

Wishlist:
1) Bike (motor bike not my cycling bike LOL)
2) New phone (I-phone prefered >.<")
3) Mp3
4) New cloths!!! (For this, I was challenge to do a 10 000 LV, and someone will tailor make shirt for me, buy tie for me... FREE!)
5) Shoes
6) Nice watch
7) New bag
8) My perfume
9) Decorate my room... Personalised >.<" I got free interior designer, JAYNUS JIE! haha
10) New bed
11) New Desk
12) New what is the thing where we keep our clothes? (LOL)

Ahh one whole chunk...
Some seems far...
Some seems cheap but far...
Some seems near...
But the thing i want most now is...
BIKE!
weeee~
I am so going to get it...
Target, 2010 march end...
^^

Still... Having all this... I felt empty...
I still feel the pain...
I still can never forget memories...

This pain

2009-11-01T05:18:00.002+08:00

Today was so fun...
So fun...
I dress up as a goat...
We do a lot of funny stuff...
Yea I went to the extent of wearing my costume and walking around at Jurong Point...
Saying hi to strangers...
Had so much laugh...
Was so tired...

Yea...
All I remember is words...
Not the feeling of the fun today...
Everytime I step into my room...
I forget all joyful stuff...

It's not that i wanted it to be this way...
But I just can't help it...

This pain...
Always lingers...
This pain...
Will never cease...

I've been forcing myself to do the things I need to do...
And not let my emotions affect me...

But I don't have any strength left...
I can't endure more...

I wanna give up...

Misses...

2009-10-20T23:41:00.002+08:00

Been feeling like shit...
Just don't feel like doing anything...
Been staying at home doing nothing... yes nothing not even dota or went to work...
Yes just nothing...
But crying...

I just want to see you so much...
So much...

But this is what i got...
I sms you, i didn't recieve replies...
I msn you, i was trying to care for you... wanting to talk to you...
But all i got next is a word "nitex"

Fine then...
Go chase your dreams like you said yesterday...
Go aus go get married go where ever you like...

I won't step into your life again...
You don't need me and this love anymore...

Fine then
Go...

I won't bother you again...
You can happily rest now without me disturbing you...
You can rest now without needing to be there for me...

Just wanting to see you... A hug from you...
It's just simply so hard...

It's ok...
Like you said you are a girl, i am a GUY...
I dun need such things... I should be the one giving them out and not recieving them.
I will walk with my pain myself... You dun need to be there for me anymore...

I still remember when was the last time you said you will be there for me when i need you...
I was at tiong infront of 7-11 sitting down smoking...
And we was on the phone... and you say you couldn't make it to see me...
It was there when you told me you will be there for me...

I guess...
Suan le...
You CAN'T be there for me at all...

It's ok...
I'm a GUY.
I can walk with this pain ALONE.

Good bye.

Suan le bah...

2009-10-15T00:17:00.002+08:00

Suan le bah...

I really want to give up...

Nothing can heal me... This hurt will just be there...

Yea... trueheart said just let her go... and just bear the pain and push forward...
it's something that i will never forget... the love is something that will stay forever...

But what for... trying to overcome this pain... Just bear with it and let go...

No longer have i any rights to ask anything about you...
No longer have i any rights to want you...

Go bah...
You are free now...
All these hurts...
I will bear it myself...
It's ok...
From now onwards... you are not responsible for my feelings and hurts anymore...
you are not responsible for my life anymore...
you are not responsible for anything about me anymore...

Sorry that i visited you yesterday at your workplace...
Sorry that i again ask you to come to my house...

I thought it would be a good thing to see you...
But i guess i am wrong...

Enjoy you life with your friends... Whoever you want to go out with just go...
I will no longer control you...

It's ok...
I can walk alone now...

You can do whatever you like now... Without me asking any question... For I will never ask again who you go out with, who you talk to... For i have no rights anymore...

It's a new phrase of my life again...
Where I will endure this pain...
And push myself forward...

yea...
I always see...
History repeating itself...
Til even now...
and i can see... what comes next...

It's ok...
I always say "Pika is strong" to everyone...
I will just prove it...

This love...
Will always be part of me...

Yea...
I dare not fall in love again...
I don't want too... Feel this hurt ever again...

Love sux.

Wedding Vow

2009-09-28T22:26:00.001+08:00

The wedding vow

If you are ready to assume the obligations and duties before God, as I have defined them, you will unite your hands and pledge your love and your lives to each other.

Pastor:
Do you, ___________, standing in the presence of God and these witnesses, solemnly pledge your faith to ___________ .

Do you promise to live with him/her according to God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony; do you promise to love him/her, comfort him/her, honor, and keep him/her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him/her, and through God's grace to promise to be to him/her a faithful and devoted husband/wife as long as you both shall live?

I love my baby a lot a lot!

2009-09-25T02:18:00.000+08:00

I LOVE BABY LOTS LOTS LOTS LOTS LOTS! HAHA!

2009-08-30T02:34:00.002+08:00

80 Things You Didn't Know About Me Until You Read This:

1. What Color Is Your Toothbrush
BLUE!

2. Name One Person That Made You Smile Today
rain, mr qin shi, miss rowena, mr gabriel, ms lena, havee

3. What were you doing at 8 AM?
Sleeping...

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Talking to my dearest rain

5. What is your favorite candy?
Mentos

(Q6 ran away because it's afraid of 7. Why? because 7 ate(8) 9!! HAHAHAH -.-)
Did they made a mistake? I ate 9!

7. What's the last thing you said out loud?
"bao bei bao bei"

8. What is the best ice cream flavor?
STRAWBERRY!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Cal Ion Water!

10. What is the longest you have gone without sleeping?
4 days, now cannot le maximum 3 days nia lol

11. Have you ever made a promise you'd die to keep?
Nope.

13. The last sporting event you watched?
err... how long ago was that man... how can i remember sia...

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Cheese flavour ftw!

15. Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook?
Rain

16. Ever go camping?
Love them >.<"

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
Cal phyto and Cal element and Cal direct is better then the vitamins you take! Buy one today!

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
My service on saturday de leh...

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
I hardly drink without one... haha

22. What did your last text message say?
Hey guys, good job so far! Another 6000 more pv to conquer tml. All the way for our car. When the train is nearing the end of the tunnel, it always seems darker. When the storm we are weathering through is over, there will be a rainbow. Persist amd pull through the final lap of this race, and you'll feel satisfied and contented that we all did this together as a team! The next few hours will be memorable as we anticipate a new beginning for all of us! Fight!
By dear Mr Goh Qin Shi.

24. Where is your dad?
In bed with my mum dunno doing what whakaka!

25. Look to your left, what do you see?
My bed, my laptop with rain there, my tv set, my chair and tower and bags on the chair, my drawer, my floor with clothes all over it...

26. What color is your watch?
Invisible...

27. I think this one is empty...
Cool one question less to do... ehh no idiot i still type something here in the end argh!

28. What did you do yesterday?
FIGHT FOR MR QIN SHI!

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?
I no car T.T

30. What is your favorite number?
infinity

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
Rain

32. Any plans today?
Settle my work stuff in the morning, then go cell group, go down office, then bridge louis for orientation, then rush to night safari, then call mr qin shi and go celebration for the fight is OVER!

34. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
NS T.T

35. Last song listened to?
Forgotten

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
cannot.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time.
None

39. Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes sadly...

40. Is anyone jealous of you?
Well, maybe?

41. Do you love anyone?
Isn't it obvious?

43. What do you usually do during the day?
FIGHT AH!

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Can I leave blank for this question?

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Nope, i use "Wassup!"

46. Meaning of life?
Mr qin shi say, PV is the meaning of my life... LOL!
No lah... God is. ^^

47. Do you like cats?
No

49. How did you get your worst scar?
A fell during a basketball

50. Last big talk?
Err?

51. Last CD played?
Huh? i got no cd at all

52. Last bubble bath?
Never had one before...

54. Last meal?
Eating with my dearest rain at the kopitiam

55. Have you ever dated someone twice?
Yup?

56. Gone on a date?
Yup?

57. Have you ever fallen in love?
Of course!

58. Have you ever lost someone?
Yes... People come and goes... That's what my old jie said... haiz.

59. Have you ever slept until 1PM.
Well... Isn't it common?

60. Have you met a famous person?
Is Dowey Ho famous? haha

61. Do you have at least 2 people you can tell pretty much anything to?
err... hard leh...

62. List three favorite colors/shades:
Black.
Red.
blueish purple.

63. Laughed until you cried?
Nope.

64. Went behind your parents back?
LOL!!! yes...

66. Opinion on gay marriage?
COOL! but not me plz... HAHA

67. Lowering the drinking age?
Well... NO! CUS I AM 18 ALREADY!

69. Who are the best huggers that you know?
Me ^^

70. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I no longer believe such stupid things like love...

71. Is there something you want to tell someone?
No.

73. Would you kiss any of your facebook friends?
Only pretty girls plz >.<"

74. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?
None.

75. Do you want to change your name?
Nah, I just want my first name... ^^

76. Last time you saw your father?
Err how lon ago was that?

77. What time did you wake up today?
8.30... by my dearest she brought breakfast for me cus she couldn't sleep >.<"

78. How old are you?
i am forever 3 years old >.<"

79. What were you doing at midnight last night?
with fetch rain dear dear at 2am lol!

80. What is your favorite thing in your room?
LAPTOP!

FOOD!

2009-08-29T01:17:00.003+08:00

My meals for today, let see...
Morning 11am plus ate one small piece of chocolate...
and one piece of biscuit...
Lunch time... None.
Dinner time... None.
Supper time, one cup of milk and some canned baked beans at home...
Cheers, sound kinda pathetic right? lol

I know god is with me...
I know he will give me strength...

Forgotten Dreams...

2009-08-26T21:49:00.001+08:00

People have dreams...
People have goals...
But as humans grow, we tends to forget our dreams...
What we really wanted...

Often, people nowadays find it boring to live life...
It's way too boring... And hard...

People accept reality, grow up from their childish mindset...
And people...

Forgets their dreams.

When we are young, what is our dreams?

Well for me, I wanted to be a policeman...
Yup, I suddenly remember that because Of 6D and Miss Nah (Ok she is actually married now), and reminds me of, my favorite teacher...
Miss See Shen Leng!

And I remember that, I told her... My dreams...
A policeman.
I hold on to this dream, til secondary school...
When I realise...
The sad truth of this world...

And slowly...
The memories of me wanting to be a policeman...
Faded.

People seems to have forgo their dreams...
Just because of a few things...
"There is not much future there."
"The pay is too low."
"There are jobs with better pay out there"

Yup, thus people forgo their dreams, and became money minded.

People...
Those might be childish dreams...
And humans dreams might change after knowing the stupid fact that "you can't just think for yourself and do what you want".
But still, they have dreams. Although different.

The 5 C's, a wife, a husband, own a shop of what you want... You get what I mean...

But again...
People forgo their dreams and is happy with just a stable job.

Think back.
What do you really wanted?

Now...
Go...
Chase your dreams...
Plan out your dreams...
It's not impossible...
Nothing is impossible...
There are even things that science can't explain, why can't you do the miracle?

You can do it.
You can create a miracle yourself.

Decision over condition, and never condition over decision.
Things around you ain't gonna affect your decision to make it, to go for your dreams.
Problems are just obstacle.
And obstacle is to overcome. And not to forgo it.

Don't think or believe you can make it.
Decide it.

Cheers!

Sick last few days...

2009-08-18T03:09:00.001+08:00

I've been lying in bed... after saturday service... til... today... WOO I AM ENERGETIC NOW!

Yes... I've been just lying in bed and nothing else...
Stupid fever...
Argh.
Guess what... My pack of ciggs last from friday til today still haven finish because of this sickness
LOL
Just can't smoke while having sorethroat...
And when really need to smoke, is really forcing myself to smoke...
lol

Alright man, just less then 2 more weeks! Fight for mr qin shi! we must get our GOAL! WOOO!!!
And congrats mr qin shi... NS is coming for you next month HAHA

Haiz...
I felt sad...
that mr qin shi is going NS soon...
After that who is going to take care of me T.T
Mr qin shi is a nice nice guy ^^

It's ok! It's not like he's not going to book out! whakaka...
But still..
Things will really be odd...
Use to see him almost everyday and...
Now... haiz...

Nvm man, I can do it on my own... YUP!

Erm nope, i am not on my own anyway, i got god with me ^^
Helping me along the way too!
whakaka

Let's do it!
Bluevo, Allllll.... THE WAY!

Oh yes,
Proud to be in Bluevo under Mr qin shi group ^^
WOOO!!! Can't wait for tml after being sick for so many days!

*Eating fried rice now, cooked by myself... otah inside >.<"*

The biggest change... Cheers.

2009-08-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

Yoz people!

Well, wrote this post, just to update you peeps on me...
Yup, do not worry, it's just an update on what I am doing now...
Don't worry and don't panic, trust me, things are under control and solutions/plans, all have been made.

Cheers

Well, here goes,
I quitted school.

I know, question are popping up into you mind now like, "why the suddenly decisions?", "Then your future how?" those kind...
But chill, rest assure, I know what I am doing and everything really is under control...

Yea why the sudden decision...
Actually, no... I thought of that long time ago... I knew no one will support me what I wanted therefore never told anyone anything about it.
Been, thinking about it for long long time... Finding solutions and making plans in before I quitted school...
Til the day I done my plans, I made a decision and submitted my withdrawel from.

You peeps might ask me what plans I had...
Basically, there are way too many plans of which path I will walk, which plan I will follow depends on situation too...

Well, for now, these are the few simplest form of plans now...
1) NS asap, then study...
2) work and drag NS, then go NS, then Study...
3) work and drag NS, then go NS, then work and think of what I want to study, then part time study...

Well plans may change seeing how my surrounding is like...

But don't worry...
I am happy that I made this choice...
well i guess it's time to give everyone my real explaination...
I know i've been just giving excuses and not my reason for quitting lol...
Cus i just dun really want people to know my real reason, cus it's... Really stupid haha

Yup. I agree that school and education and certs will give you a stable job with good income. It will give you a good life and forever you will be leading a stable and normal life...

But that's not what I wanted...
It's way too common...
I know I can do it... And people around me know I can do it... And really, there are just too much people having really high hopes on me... And I really find this "hope" is really a hinderance to my life... Cus I really need to be how people expected I'll be or want me to be... And it really tied me down and really make me to space to breath...

I don't want, a common life...
It's really too bored...
I wanted excitement...

I know, the consiquence of quitting school...
No cert, no job, and lead to many more things... and lead to me unable to fufil my dreams...
But, I have no dreams... Serious...

I just want excitement and new things keep coming in...
I find it no use forcing myself to do something I don't like at all...
I know people will say, "who like studies", "you will hate it in the outside world more.", "you'll regret your decision and realise you would rather study now then to work."
But peoples, I know myself, I rather go thru hardship then to walk a common life.

You know, walking this path, even before I handed in my withdrawels form, I am feeling the stress and the amount of hardship I'll need to go thru, but I don't fear it at all... instead, I know i might not be enjoying it but i felt satisfied.

I've compared,
A) with 3k per month job, work in the morning, come back home got wife got son calling you daddy.
b) earning maximum 1.5k per month, no own house no wife no whoever...

I will rather go B...
I fear A and i don't really wanted that life...

I know, 10 years down the road, 20 or even 50...
I'll never regret this decision ^^

Well to end off...
Trust me...
I know what I am doing...
Don't worry...
When I need help, I know who to find too ^^
What I need most now is, for people to trust me and support me... Which no one really does it...
Thanks Jolene for being the first person who supported me...
And thanks mummy a lot for understanding me without me saying a word ^^

Cheers
Wei Chong

Note: Actually the above was just an edited version of what I emailed to shaun, my cgl, haha...

To Jie:
Sorry Jie, I don't know what to say that time to you... Cus it's too much things to say to you... That's why I really didn't say much...
Don't be sad jie, Pika really know what he is doing ^^
We will both succeed together ok?
Love you lots my dearest YinFang jie...
Hugss!

Loves,
Pika.

2009-08-14T13:59:00.000+08:00

my comp is spoil and i can't blog for the moment haiz.

Seriously... One after another...

2009-08-10T02:19:00.002+08:00

Today's self debrief.

Today...
Things...
TOTALLY... NOTHING...
went well...
argh.

First appointment... Skeptical one...
Very... Very...
But ohh well, good things is, i learned new things...

After that...
I went to another place...
I learn something... also...
True friends... Are just so hard to find...
Lazy to write what happen, just copied and paste from my facebook shout...
"at such point of time... You really can see who is your true friends who stay by your side... supporting you... haha just pretty sad... I realise I don't have much true friends... But I am happy, that i've gone thru this phrase of life at such young age! haha"
Cheers!

Someone told me something today again...
I going to copy and paste from my facebook shout again...
" It's the endurance that'll make me succeed! Someone told me something today... "If you can past this phrase of handling your tight schedule, in the future, your 24hr will seems to become more and you can handle more things..." Just like what shaun has told me about "Juggling more and more balls" at one of the cg meeting...
Cheers!"

Yes...
I will perserver!

A few days ago...
Someone told me...
ok another copy and paste, but this is at the forum lol... FINE i am lazy HAHA!
"Someone told me something today...

Whether you can do it or not, depends on how hungry you want it...

Another person told me today...
Weichong, the whole world can support and believe you with your decision... But if Weichong don't believe in himself, weichong will fail..."
haha he's cute and funny... he say "you" to me that day, he say "Weichong" lol and i remember he once ask, "what's my hairstyle today? can you guess?" but the problem is, he is botak LOL...
really fun guy to be with but's it just very rare to see him...
He's earning a 5 digit income per month wor... where got time to meet small fry like me lol...

So i concluded that day, ok another copy and paste,
"The whold world can disagree with me and don't believe i can make it, but i believe i can make it, there is nothing there to 'stop' me from success, only 'hinderance'."

And people, today i concluded that...
I don't believe in only myself...
I believe in GOD!

Bongo burgers... My night safari job...
They just dun want to let me quit dotss...
They are really...
Super... shortage of manpower now...
Haiz...
Stupid jason keep stressing me more...
Saying that if i tell lily i want to quit she will cry...
idiot...
But ohh well, we came to an agreement... I will help her for 2 days... and she will let me to start work later also...
And i will quit after bongo burger team get stronger... in terms of manpower and the strength of staff...

All set,
All ready,
Tml is a brand new day...
A brand new start!
What's best is... I start my day in the house of god!
Praise the lord!

No more school.

2009-08-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

Yes...
I have quitted my school...
Don't ask why...
I am really...
tired of trying to explain to everyone...

People who see me everyday... or almost everyday... Know this is the best for me...
People like...
My school mates...
My lecturers...
My parents...
They all also... felt that quitting now and go NS first is the best for me...

People might think I am having odd ideas or whatever...

But no...

haha forget about it...
don't worry people...
i say again...
DON'T WORRY!
tsk.
lol

Nowadays...
Everyday...
Meeting different kind of people...
Working...
argh...

Ohh well
NS is coming for me... soon... haha

All the way!
Life's gonna be harder now that i am someone without education,
but, woo i will do it!

*"Nothing is impossible with god by your side."

DON'T WORRY!

2009-08-03T00:20:00.004+08:00

A human have lots and lots of worries a day...
Yup...
From worrying about 'what to eat later', to worrying about 'should i take the operation?'
Important not important,
Humans always worries...

But did you guys realise that...
96% of the things you worry are things you DON'T need to worry about?

Alright let's talk about the percentage...

Sometimes...
When someone is late...
You start to worry...
"does that person got into some accident?"
"does that person pang seh me and throw me alone?"
"does that person forget about todays date?"
or
"I forget to close my windows will there be rain later?"
"Will i get retrench?"
Such worries... Contains 40% of your worries...
Such worries are catagories as "Will not happen" worries...
Don't worry! Why worry about such things and waste your brain cells?
Tsk...

Another catogory of worry...
"I didn't answer one of my question in my examination... Will i fail?"
"I forget to buy my 4d number today! What if it comes out first prize?"
"I miss my ex... Is she even doing fine now?"
Hey hey people...
What past is past...
Forget about it... You got better things to do!
Don't worry about the past!
This is call the "Past" worries catogory which is 30% of your worries...

another type of worry is about "health"
This is 12% of your worries...
Don't worry about it...
There is only 2 result...
You are healthy or not healthy...
If you are not healthy, do something about it instead of worrying!

Now now... the 10% of the things you are worrying...
"Tsk i dunno which clothes nicer leh.. what to wear ah?"
"wha later dunno want to eat what better..."
"siao liao... i forget to put my food in the fridge... die will it spoil not?"
Hey... are such "Minor" worry worth your brain cells?
Don't worry -.-"

Now... the last 8%...
The "Important" worries...
tsk tsk...
There are 2 type of important worries...
The one you CAN solve...
And the one you CAN'T...

If you know you can't solve it... Just leave it aside... Even if your take your whole use your whole brain juice it just can't be solve...
so...
Don't worry...

And last but not least...
The important worries that you CAN solve...
This is the only one worth worrying you might think...
But...
Why worry when you can solve?
Worried about someone in overseas? Give him/her a call!
Worries about your class test? Study lah!
Such worries needs to be solve by using ACTIONs and not BRAIN/EYE power...
Tsk...

So now...
What is there to worry about?
NOTHING!
So dun worry people...
Don't worry...

Take a pen out...
Write down all your worries...
Catagories them...
Then...
you should know what to do ^^

Updates on the progress of, Without me - Eminem

2009-07-23T20:38:00.001+08:00

lalala barely and hardly make through the first verse liao~! WOO!
ok, i am around 35% now ^^
Cheers!

I've created a monster, cause nobody wants to see Marshall no more
They want Shady, I'm chopped liver (huh?)
Well if you want Shady, this is what I'll give ya
A little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor
Some vodka that'll jump start my heart quicker
than a shock when I get shocked at the hospital
by the doctor when I'm not co-operating
When I'm rockin the table while he's operating (hey!!)
You waited this long, now stop debating
Cause I'm back, I'm on the rag and ovu-lating
I know that you got a job Ms. Cheney
but your husband's heart problem's complicating
So the FCC won't let me be
or let me be me, so let me see
They try to shut me down on MTV
But it feels so empty, without me
So, come on and dip, bum on your lips
Fuck that, cum on your lips, and some on your tits
And get ready, cause this shit's about to get heavy
I just settled all my lawsuits, FUCK YOU DEBBIE!

hard disk...

2009-07-23T03:21:00.001+08:00

Anyone got a external hard disk can lend me plz?
Needa reformat my lappie and needa back up my files before i reformat it...

Haiz.

internet is down

2009-07-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

Yea my internet is down and will not be online these few days...
Haiz.

HAIZ...

Stamina!

2009-07-20T19:23:00.002+08:00

Darn...
Without me is just...
HARD!

I am hardly 20% on the song argh!
And... part's by part's can, but together, i'll need stamina to sing it -.-"

Argh i better take care of my stamina when if i ever want to sing this song up to 90% haha

Alright, i'm off with jaynus for dinner ^^

I teach you the way to train a rap...

Make the song go 1.3 to 1.5 time faster and sing it ^^
if you can catch up, keep singing it...
then when you switch back to normal, you'll find the rap is slow and can sing it with ease~~ haha

Without me, Eminem

2009-07-20T09:11:00.002+08:00

[Intro]
Two trailer park girls go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
{*scratches*
Two trailer park girls go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
{*scratches*

Guess who's back
Back again
Shady's back
Tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back.. {*Eminem hums*

[Verse One: Eminem]
I've created a monster, cause nobody wants to see Marshall no more
They want Shady, I'm chopped liver (huh?)
Well if you want Shady, this is what I'll give ya
A little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor
Some vodka that'll jump start my heart quicker
than a shock when I get shocked at the hospital
by the doctor when I'm not co-operating
When I'm rockin the table while he's operating (hey!!)
You waited this long, now stop debating
Cause I'm back, I'm on the rag and ovu-lating
I know that you got a job Ms. Cheney
but your husband's heart problem's complicating
So the FCC won't let me be
or let me be me, so let me see
They try to shut me down on MTV
But it feels so empty, without me
So, come on and dip, bum on your lips
Fuck that, cum on your lips, and some on your tits
And get ready, cause this shit's about to get heavy
I just settled all my lawsuits, FUCK YOU DEBBIE!

[Chorus: Eminem]
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause it feels so empty, without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause it feels so empty, without me

[Verse Two: Eminem]
Little Hellions, kids feelin rebellious
Embarrassed their parents still listen to Elvis
They start feelin like prisoners helpless
'til someone comes along on a mission and yells BITCH!!!
A visionary, vision of scary
Could start a revolution, pollutin the airwaves
A rebel, so just let me revel and bask
in the fact that I got everyone kissin my ass {*smak*
And it's a disaster, such a catastrophe
for you to see so damn much of my ass; you asked for me?
Well I'm back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
{*bzzt* Fix your bent antenna tune it in and then I'm gonna
enter in, endin up under your skin like a splinter
The center of attention, back for the winter
I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling
Infesting in your kid's ears and nesting
{*bzzt* Testing, attention please
Feel the tension, soon as someone mentions me
Here's my ten cents, my two cents is free
A nuisance, who sent? You sent for me?

[Chorus]

[Verse Three: Eminem]
A-tisket a-tasket, I go tit for tat with
anybody who's talkin this shit, that shit
Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked
worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards
And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie
You thirty-six year old baldheaded fag, blow me
You don't know me, you're too old, let go
It's over, nobody listen to techno
Now let's go, just gimme the signal
I'll be there with a whole list full of new insults
I been dope, suspenseful with a pencil
ever since Prince turned himself into a symbol {*knife slices*
But sometimes the shit just seems
everybody only wants to discuss me
So this must mean I'm dis-gus-ting
But it's just me, I'm just obscene
No I'm not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley
to do black music so selfishly
and used it to get myself wealthy
(Hey!!) There's a concept that works
Twenty million other white rappers emerge
But no matter how many fish in the sea
It'll be so empty, without me

[Chorus]

{*Eminem sings this twice:
"Chem-hie-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la"*

[Eminem] Kids!

<3 Eminem
Alright the lyrics people!
haha
i...
ran out of breath trying to catch up with his raps LOL
Pretty vulgar song, but who cares i like it <3
Thanks David the mod for sending me the songs haha love you darling Muacks lol

Bongo gathering

2009-07-19T12:06:00.001+08:00

Yes...
I should be enjoying myself at the gathering now...
But i didn't go...
just totally no mood for it..

Tears and pains...
Keep lingering here...

But I know...
No matter what...
I'll never be alone...

For my lord...
Is always just a breathe away from me...

^^

Today's church!

2009-07-19T01:44:00.004+08:00

Ohh well nothing special happen...
Except...
Shag...
haha
but today got 2 of my fav song for praise song haha!

Jasmine asked me...
"Where's rain"
It hurt... Just to hear her name...
Haiz... Have a hard time answering her...

btw miss RainYuki, if you're reading this, this is the Jasmine i talked about trying to sms you but you didn't reply...
I still believe...
She can bring you to the answer you wanted...
For she had already brought me to the answer I seek...

Then after dinner at JP, it's burger king!
then went home liao...

on the bus...
xue ting ask me to sit with her...
say got things want to talk to me...
and i know what she gonna ask...
about how's my life -.-"

Again...
Another one...
Ask me about her...

But, thanks xue ting...
You've been a great friend ^^
I know you'll always be there for me whenever i feel sad or emotional...
But you know...
I am never good at telling how i felt...
And... Let alone updating you on how's my life often...

Btw, did you buy the big pack of tissue for me... LOL
I don't wish to cry more...
Don't ask me about her anymore ok?

Ohh well...
That's not all for today on her...
I came home...
On my comp...
Saw my blog...
Her tag...
Saw her blog...
A message for me...
And...

Alright time for bed let me just keep you guessing from what happen after that...
LOL
But i bet you peeps know...
I only have one reaction when it comes to her...
Haiz...

Dear god...
In just one short day...
You let me encountered her 3 times...
Dear god...
Are you trying to tell me something?
I don't understand why...
But I believe lord...
You have already planned my path for me...
And i need not need to understand...
And just follow your path, your way...
Dear lord...
It's your will, not mine...
Lord... let me hear your voice more clearly...
Let me hear you more...

Good night...
Everyone.

Mummy birthday!

2009-07-19T01:36:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!
Cheers, it's mums birthday and first time opening a party at home for her birthday!
haha
she estimated around 50 people is coming...
hmm let me count...
wait...
COUNTING LAH!

i would say 40 plus nia... close to 50...
haha

ok on that day, i overslept and didn't went school -.-"
then i got woke up by mummies first batch of friends coming over...
haha!
her kopitiam friends...
lol
and also... ...

It's Julian's(colleadge of mummy) birthday too!
Well, i didn't know it til that day though haha...

There was 2 cakes, 2 sing of songs...
lol

I brought mummy roses... 9 roses...
Then I took out one for julian lol...
Ohh well, Julian's pretty cute haha!
You know what she told my mum?

"If i drunk i go your son room sleep with him"
LOL!
I dun mind actually... her age just a few years older then me LOL!
kk joking...

Ohh well, then the first batch goes off, and comes the second batch...
and the second batch goes off,
comes the third batch...
then the 4th batch came...
then my family the 5 batch...
and finally the last batch who just knock off from work...

WOA!
What a day! haha
ok i am lazy to write more...
And...
No photos so sad not my camera haha...

"I wish I wish... I got a camera..."
*look into bank account*
damn...
lols

Schools... Stress... Tears... Help...

2009-07-15T16:54:00.005+08:00

Help...
Yes help...
I need help...
I am really very very stress...
I don't know what to do...

Just feel like crying...
How long has it been since i have this feeling?
pri 6?
The last time i drop tears because of my studies?

I...
Am already...
Qualified...
To get kick out of my course.

Yes...
I already have everything that needed to get kick out of my course...
I'm been just screwing myself and my studies and my life up...

What should i do now...
What should i do...

Someone...
Help me...
Tell me...
What path can i walk...

I am sorry...
To disappoint everyone...

Maybe this is the end of my school life...
but still...
Hopefully not...

Maybe none of you people know...
What is happening in my life...
Well...
I shall say what is happening in my life now...

Since first day of school til today...
I NEVER had a week of full attendance...
Stop asking me why...
I dunno why am have i become like this too...
Why am I like this too...
I am scared too... That why have i change so much...
Why...

haiz...

That's one of the reason...
Of my shitty attendance...

My studies ain't doing great either...
let's say for 4 module... although i pass 3... all 3 are pass by LUCK... yes pure luck...
Which means, if i were to get into another test, i'll fail ALL...

I got a lot of catching up need to be done...
LOTS...
And i dunno how to...
This ain't like sec school where i go happily go and find my teachers...
I got no one to turn to...

No...
Not my classmate...
Not them...

haiz...

Someone tell me...
What should i do...
Plz...
I really...
Feel like dying...

Sorry...
I have again...
Disappointed everyone...

Without me, Eminem

2009-07-15T01:50:00.003+08:00

Woo here comes one of my favourite rapper~!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDO1hSPdYJM

what if i learn how to rap this song?
hehe
I guess it would take me months plus i am freaking busy now...

haiz...
LOL!

Dunno why i feel so high after listening to him lol!
woo~!!!
haha

Eminem get me HIGH~!

It would take a strong strong man

2009-07-15T01:19:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmgB7qVh0-w

My heart starts breaking
When I think of making
A plan to let you go
I keep thinking maybe tomorrow
I'm gonna let you know
But I when I think about leaving
I think about losing
The only love I ever knew
Every time I think of you

** my heart starts aching
My hands keep shaking
And you know, you know, you know

* it would take a strong, strong man
To ever let you go (to ever let you go)
To ever let you go

My heart's been hurting
When I see you flirting
Every night out on the floor
I keep thinking maybe tomorrow
You'll grow to love me more
But whenever we're together
I could leave you never
Even though you treat me cruel
Every time I look at you

(** repeat)
(* repeat)

I tried to resist you
When you're gone, all I ever do is miss you
Anyone in love would know
Anyone with half a heart
Could never let you go

But I when I think about leaving
I think about losing
The only girl I ever loved
Can't you tell me why do you hurt me
I guess some people never see
Especially a fool like me

(** repeat)
(* repeat)

To ever let you go
I'll never let you go
(to ever let you go)

Love drunk.

2009-07-15T01:11:00.002+08:00

Love Drunk lyrics

The top down in the summer sun
The day we met was like a hit an run
An I still taste it on my tongue
The sky was burning up like fireworks
You made me want you oh so bad it hurt
But girl, in case you haven’t heard

I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
I’ll love you forever
Forever is over
We used to kiss all night
Now it’s just a bar fight
So don’t call me crying
Say hello to goodbye

Cause Just one thing would make me say
I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
Ill love you forever
But now it’s over

Hot sweat and blurry eyes
We’re spinning on a roller coaster ride
The world stuck in black and white
You drove me crazy every time we touched
But now I’m so broken that I can’t get up
Oh girl, you make me such a lush

I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
I’ll love you forever
Forever is over
We used to kiss all night
Now its just a bar fight
So don’t call me crying
Say hello to goodbye

Cause Just one thing would make me say
I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
Ill love you forever
But now it’s over

All the time I wasted on you
All the bullshit you put me through
Checking into rehab is everything that we had
Didn’t mean a thing to you

I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
Ill love you forever
But now it’s over

I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
I’ll love you forever
Forever is over
We used to kiss all night
Now it’s just a bar fight
So don’t call me crying
Say hello to goodbye

Cause Just one thing would make me say
I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
Ill love you forever
But now it’s over

Now it’s over
I still taste it on my tongue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa7L_Ym9aZQ

Dinner with li shan...

2009-07-15T00:37:00.004+08:00

Haha
Went to have dinner with Li Shan...
Dunno why suddenly want to see her for dinner...
lol
she is... PIG... sleep sleep sleep... lol

then went to watch movie after dinner...
We watch the haunting or whatever it is i dunno the title just know it's horror movie and go in watch liao lol

went arcade play, she play the childish game mushi mushi bashi or something like that... you know i got bad memories haha at remember names...
and... i game overed after 3rd game -.-"
lol
then played time crisis 4... haha just after enter room she died lol...
then play the throw bball de...
we super cham... we throw our ball keep hitting each other de then no go in lol...
and guess what...
first round game over.
-.-"

then we sit somewhere talk talk and transfer songs from my laptop to her phone...
haha
i finnally figured out how to use my lappie bluetooth lol

Li shan the chou chou and me~

Fish and co and drinking outing...

2009-07-15T00:22:00.004+08:00

It's tiny's birthday... We went to fish and co and eat...
then... Drink...
Well, i didn't drink a single drop ^^
err, actually no, a few sip nia... lol

Ah Ger brought me big gulp lol~! cus i dun drink -.-"
haha so sweet >.<"
then ah ger also buy ice cream for me haha >.<"

Those crazy people, drink til morning 6am... then went home...
Sleep.
haha

My New York fish and chip

This is lemon boat lol!

Ah ger~~

Suck it up and go on dude...

2009-07-14T16:51:00.003+08:00

Thanks my dearest sgf darlings... ^^
Really touch by the words you guys say...

No worries...
Pika won't disappoint you peeps ^^

School...
Will be continueing...
I will go on no matter what...
^^

"Finish what you start"

Ahh a piece of paper is still more important ^^

It hurts...

2009-07-13T04:38:00.004+08:00

Every night...
Before my mind and body take a rest...
Lying on the bed...
With nothing but only my pillows and blanket...

The same thoughts every night...
I keep myself occupied with so many things...
School...
Games...
Works...
Cell group...
Church...

But after I lie on my bed...
I always felt the same thing...

Loneliness...
Emptyness...

Everyone got someone...
Friends... Love partners... Families... That they always stick with together and talk too... The same old one...

I have none...
I am forever changing people to talk too...
I got no one...
I can stick to...

I thought "love" could cure this feelings...
But instead...
It worsen it...
It make me have the urge of finding someone i can stick to more...

Single.

2009-07-13T04:37:00.003+08:00

Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't

[Chorus:]
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be

Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

[Chorus]

Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures~!!!!!

2009-07-08T01:32:00.022+08:00

Haha, Nikki and I got one of these, i got the star she got the ball de... But her's kena bitten by her dog liao lol~

Chocolate~! haha from yixin~

Lol i actually randomly folded this and gave to my "mummy" -.-"

After cell group meeting supper~~

before service

My work place table lamp

Drinking with my MUM in my room lols... My mums a great drinker~!

Sentosa~!!! the 3D show thingy whakaka... got motion sick after that -.-"

My cute one and only gan jie haha...~

My smoking kakis, Jaga's bday that day...

CHALET!

"The gym"

Timothy and yixin in church

Woa... A clone of my pencil case haha

This was in kushinbu~

My cute and pretty cousin~! A person who dotes me LOTSSSS haha, sadly guys, not avialable...

Cheesecake... Before i ate it... handmade by someone...

Roses~!

This was actually prata haha

Wha finally... Done uploading, plus all the html coding...
I know i am stupid...
Always doing manual coding lol...
But i like it these way haha
Spend more then an hour doing all these lol
Well, it's my hobby to play with html haha
wanna learn CSS leh... only know a bit of CSS nia...
Hopefully, can learn all the CSS... CSS can do more things~!
haha
Sayo, tml got school, i am off to bed bye...

going to school soon...

2009-07-06T06:55:00.003+08:00

preparing to go school now...
haiz...
what's wrong with me...
i dun know...

i seems to lost my happiness about everything...
i just couldn't find anything that make me happy...
jokes might be funny and made my laugh like mad... but it's funny, not happiness...
games might make me very engage in it... but it's enjoyment for the moment, not happiness...
ciggs might make me forget me troubles for the moment, but it escaping from problems, not happiness...
going to service... til today i had not find much love for it and it's still a chore to me...
going out with friends... it's just socializing and enjoyment... not happiness...

Just now...
I saw an old video accidentally cus i was transfering my pictures...
I felt an old happiness in that video...
Which I had lost it already...
It just hurt so much...
So much...

haiz.

Everyday now...
Is stress...
Stress about School especially...
Stress about works and finance...
Stress about people around me...

Just pure stress everyday moment...

Someone...
Save me...
Tell me...
How do i find my happiness back...
I do not want my days to be gloomy anymore... Only putting a mask on my face trying to stay strong...
I want...
To be really happy inside me...

But how...
Can i do it...

I felt...
So empty.

not use to it...

2009-06-20T13:23:00.003+08:00

lol just felt so not use to it that i go church so late...
normally will go very early for bs or other things...
but today just go for service...
felt so odd and not use to it...

lol

long time no post le now got a little bit of time post abit...
sainz
darn lazy to post lol

The last night on earth

2009-05-31T16:24:00.002+08:00

http://www.imeem.com/people/IafrQx/music/OVTwVrqt/delta-goodrem-the-last-night-on-earth/?rel=1

The day is coming soon...

2009-05-31T15:43:00.003+08:00

all i can do...
Is to hide alone in this room and cry...
The day is coming soon...
And it just hurt so much...
the day where the whole story begins...

I can barely breath now already...
How am i going to survive that day...
Just felt so much pain...
So much pain...

Been just crying and crying alone in this room of loneliness...
What can i do...
What am i gonna do...

got so much problem now...
just feeling so stress...
i just need someone now...
a particular someone...
only one person is able to cheer me up...
others are just temporary...

feeling so stress now...
just really feel like dying...

damn...
i am just a coward...
always hiding and crying...
always wanting to use death as my solution...
never be able to stand up like a man to face my problems...
but i just can't change myself...
just can't...
no matter how hard i try...

Lost without you

2009-05-31T15:25:00.002+08:00

http://www.imeem.com/dorquezinha/music/vjCWkhgJ/darren-hayes-darren-hayeslost-without-you/

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
I must say, a little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
'Cause I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers
Never giving in
But baby I was wrong
I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side

And if we ever said we'll never be together
and we ended it with goodbye
I don't know what I'd do
You know I've been lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
but all I know is
Im lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues?
Baby i'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You know that you're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my bed's so cold at night
I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right
No I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side

If we ever said we'll never be together
and we ended with goodbye
I don't know what I'd do
You know I've been lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
And all I know is
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

If I could only hold you now
Make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face

Oh
All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side

If we ever said we'll never be together
and we ended with goodbye
I don't know what I'd do
You know I've been lost without you

Life's great! as if...

2009-05-30T11:20:00.003+08:00

Things just ain't going my way...
Everything is just so mess up...

My school...
I think I need to retake my module already...
Don't ask why...
Very fed up...
Just see my number of warning letters...
Just so fan these days...
Argh.

Was really very sad...
Feeling really down...
No one was there to talk to me...
Really sad...

Then jie appeared...
Kinda rare that she will be free to talk to me...
Cus she is forever doing presentation and projects and no time to even talk to me much de...
But yesterday was like she is kinda free...
Just at the right time... When i need someone to talk to...
She talk to me...

I no go school yesterday...
You all know how she punish me?
By listening to a song...
lol
she's cute. ^^

Then told her about what happen in school about my warning letters and how fan i am...
Feeling really down...
Then she came down and find me...

At first I told her cannot got Bible Study at expo...
But then I didn't go for the Bible study cus I need to meet my lecturer he wanna see me and the timing clashes with the BS...
So didn't went to BS le...

After I went school, I went to meet jie at lot 1...
I didn't know there is a roof top in lot 1 lol... she like more familiar with the place then me haha...
Then, Jolin tsai is coming today at lot 1~!! haha
But the crowd is kinda small lol Jolin old liao not popular liao lah... Opps.
Then she hungry we went downstair buy the british takeaway to eat...

I still remember in the past with my first old jie...
She brought that too at plaza sing... And i remember that old jie will feed me eat...
haha
Haiz... Miss her lotss...

Then you know wad, yinfang jie also feed me haha~!
so sweet...~
but then very hard to feed in the end i eat myself cus we walking around lol...
Then we walk walk around go home liao...

haha thanks jie for making my day ^^
hugss

still feeling pretty down...
at least for that few moment i am at ease...
going to church now...
see ya people...

5th June... Where the stars became a prove that this love existed...

2009-05-24T22:27:00.004+08:00

5th of june...
We one made a promise on this day...
We will meet... At the place where we had our first kiss...
Which started this love...
Which started this story...

I am sorry...
But I won't be there...
Don't go... Don't wait... Don't hope...
I won't show up...

I know if we meet...
We won't be able to leave...
For it'll be just too hard to say goodbye...

I had wrote my last post and words for you already...
Baby...
It's already goodbye...

None of the people who care about you want you to meet me either...
You should just take their advices and never meet me again...
I'll just do as kel said in your tagboard...
And not to complicate your life anymore...
For you need the peace...
And yes you said it too that you need the peace...

I really wish time could fly back too...
The memories...
Are just left memories...
What past is past...
It couldn't be chase back anymore...

Go...
Go seek your new future...
Never to find me again...
This story is already ended...
Never shall this story be continued...

Don't fear that you'll be lonely...
Look around you...
Someone has been around you all the time...
Someone is always there for you...
Find them...
And never me again...

Baby...
It's all over...
It's a fact...
Accept it...

It's hard...
For I am going thru the same thing...
Crying almost every night...
Always asking god to give me his love to fill this empty heart of mine...
But sadly...
Til today...
I have yet to felt god...

I too...
Is alone now...
Is lonely...
Is sad...
Is emotional...
Is crying...
Is hurt...
Is missing someone...

But move on...
Stay strong...
A kid like me, like you always said, is able to put a strong front in front of others soo well...
I believe you who experince more hardship before then me can do it too...

Jia you...
Goodbye...
My love...

Heart broken...

2009-05-20T00:49:00.003+08:00

I guess it's time I let go my past already...
She already love someone else now...
No more use to keep dwelling in the past...
I guess she is doing fine bah...
She seems to contact her new bf everyday... except today?

I guess it's time i find my new love too...
But i doubt i'll fall in love soo soon...
All I want now is someone to talk with everyday...
But it seems like there is no one that close with me afterall...

School sux...
Really sux...
I hate it...

Standing at the window just now and spamming my ciggs...
Looking up at the stars...
The same old 2 stars i always stare at is back...
I regconise them...
It's almost been a year...

I still remembered she said I will be her last love...
But i doubt so... For she is now already loving someone else...

Standing at the window...
Listening to the song Amazed...
The old feelings came back for a moment...
really having the urge to give up on life and end everything...
Just simply tired of living...

I am sorry everyone who care about me...
I know there are a lot...
But I am scared i might give up and just quit everything again...
Been thinking of quitting school so often...
I dunno what's wrong with me...

Life is never a bed of roses...
But a bed of thorns...

Hopefully...
I can get my strength back...
Argh...
I am seriously reverting to my old emo self...
I don't want it...
I don't want...

Help me...
Someone...

Lib.

Our love blog...

2009-05-14T15:49:00.002+08:00

I made a last post to our love blog...
I know you'll be reading this post...
See it ok?
It's a blog where only you and me know the address...
Goodbye.

NEA ROX!

2009-05-14T14:25:00.002+08:00

Wednesday...

Jessie greedy face eating! lol

Long john silver~

Alright wednesday is just DAMN COOL!
WHAKAKA I BET A LOT OF ANTI-NEA PEOPLE WILL BE SOOO JEALOUS!

after school, meet jessie my gan mei go bukit panjiang plaza eat...
actually wanted to find jaynus eat de... but that bo xim girl forget me liao got bf can le now... haiz sad...
i meet jessie then at ourside mac...
i was smoking when i saw her...

then we went in the mall, then one guy show me his NEA card -.-"
I was thinking, dammit, $200 gone...
BUT BUT, I WAS JUST GIVEN A VERBAL WARNING!!! NOT EVEN A RECORD!!! WHAKAKA
maybe i too cute >.<" lols
AND WHAT IS BEST!
he say "this time first time i give you verbal warning only..."
IN FACT, THAT WAS MY SECOND TIME GOT CAUGHT!!!
normally people first time nia $200 gone no chance...
BUT! I TWO TIME ALSO NOTHING HAPPEN!!! SONG BOH!!!
lol
just so damn happy whakaka

and when i got caught that time, i thought of 2 person... Maskie(harris) and tessa... Cus they are those who got caught and wanted to borrow money from me...
WHAKAKA!

Maskie and tessa, dun jealous, i am just too cute so nothing happen after 2 times... hehe

ok nuff of NEA... lol

let's talk about, what we ate...
first at kopitiam, then after that xueting go up do her eye brown le, we went kopitiam again to eat ice cream...
then walk walk walk, we went long john silver eat the crazy potato or whatever is that...
that i went to mac and buy ice cream... LOL
power i know haha

kk nuf said, see ya

Pool session with ashlyn~

2009-05-14T14:14:00.002+08:00

On tuesday...
Didn't meet nor... Cus yuki says keep the jug as a token of love bah...
Haiz... Ok then...
Wanted to return her cus I remembered she says she love the jug of hearts a lot...
And she said before wanted to bring it with her after she left this house...
And also, that was actually to exchange for a wish from her...
I made my wish... So wanted to give her the jug...
But she asked me to keep it...
Ok then...

Went to meet ashlyn instead...
Then we went to play pool...
Haha was a fun day... It really has been quite a long time since I played til so crazy lol...
Normally always serious serious do my things de...
haha was really happy and had great fun that day... Thanks ashlyn! haha
and... SHE SMOKE! tsk... underage smoker... lol
What's funny is that, she got a lighter, but no ciggs de...
lol
We play pool, from using cue and play properly, until using the side of the cue to push the ball and then she start to anyhow anyhow help me shoot -.-"
then she still can just move the white ball with her hand -.-"
worst... just take her own ball put inside... then still dare to say "got in leh my turn hor"
dotss...

First match, 3 time shooting i win le, cus she shoot in the black ball lol... cute haha
went home, talk to jie awhile, then sleep le...
that's all on tuesday...

My practical~

2009-05-13T23:35:00.003+08:00

My hand mask~! hehe

My second mask wear on de... like star wars~~ lol

My table~

My work piece, i was suppose to "draw" lines on it, and this piece of metal was actually in 2 piece but we made it into one whole piece... the second "line" was actually the one where we combine the pieces together haha

ahh the machine that release high voltage which is able to create such a big spark...
then you see the metal melt... wha cool~
lol

I went home...
I pass by somewhere...
I saw... Those foriegnworker using the same thing...
wha...
i am going to be like the foriegn worker liao...
lol

haha that's for my practical, called weilding...
more to come! haha

Loneliness in the mist of busy time...

2009-05-11T05:00:00.005+08:00

5am...
alone...
haiz...
trying to find someone to talk to...
was very very sad...
talk to jie...
but she is just too busy for me...
nvm i guess i won't bother her anymore...
i guess i am going back to my old life of living alone without relying on anyone...
argh why am i being so emotional again...

haiz.
just feel so down these few days...
sooo down...
missing someone i shouldn't a lot... just so random...
argh.

stop being emotional plz.
haiz...

just felt so alone...
just felt that my life is so empty...
always walking alone...
though i am fucking busy...
but i still feel so lonely...
haiz.

my whole week schedule is full already...
school as per normal...
monday go yixin house
tuesday meeting nor and pass her some stuff to return someone...
wednesday dinner with forum...
thursday working
friday lunch meeting jolene finally for a meal... one of the people who is in the my waiting list and finally able to have a meal together... sorry girl, i just damn busy...
saturday is church
sunday working day...
that's for this coming week...

everyday is busy...
but i still felt loneliness lingering around me...
why...
i dun know...
a part of me is missing...

angeline ask me, is it worth it? (to cry for someone she means)
i replied, "worth everything"

haiz...

This is gonna be a long post...
Let's talk about good things and stop the emotional post here...

Changes...
This week, i am gonna pull it thru...
No skipping of lesson, no late, no sleeping in classes, do my homework and projects and assignment...
Can I be able to do such things?
Yes i can, for god is with me... I hope...

Procastinated today again...
Til now... Didn't do any homework and do my project
haiz.
why did i become like this...

nvm...
To do list for school:
Com tool kit assignment
mathematic MoL
Electrical science revision
Material revision
AutoCAD practices
ahh... in fact that's all my theory module...
dammit...

To do list at other:
TOP IN THE LIST, DEFER YOUR FUCKING NS BEFORE YOU ARE FORCE TO GO NS!! lol
Wash clothes, mum and dad ain't gonna do shits for me...
Clear my messy room and make it clean...
get a battery for your mouse or you really gonna use touchpad while doing autoCAD... lol my lecturer say "rediculous", how can you use touchpad to use autoCAD, it's "rediculous"... ok we have know his fav word... lol
return my sec school teacher their stuff (opps)
pile up binder for cell group(ok it is still in a mess til now lol opps)
and... new plans for my new life... yea i gonna make more plan and make myself suffer more~

Hmm...
plans and changes...
Let's change slowly...
this week better go school and be guai guai at school first...
gonna build up my mental self thru it first...

Next, my appearance...
Ahh i gonna go on a diet and train up...
another hardest thing in life argh.
new clothes and items, let's wait for payday this month i am treating too many people meals lol
new haircut, this time, never that shop anymore... i gonna go other shop... i dun care!

Next, Health...
Smoking... ahh this will take even longer and even harder...
my social life just need ciggs too much... no it's not really much of an excuse but really contain some element of truth there...

Next finances...
ok too far to plan already...
for now, bongo... that's that.

Next, hey let's concentrate on the first one first before planning too far lol

So much plans...
So little confident...
No faith...
Only doubt...

What if i fail my plans?
I will die...
I am climbing to giddy heights already...
And when i fall, i'll die...
I have nothing to fall on...
Nothing
I can't afford to fail and fall...
But to only push myself forward...
I am really mentally tired...
Really tired...
It's really so draining to stay strong...
If things goes wrong, I'll start skipping school... Start missing work...
I'll then get kick out of school...
And get sack from my work...
And i am left with nothing... Which is better off dead...
I only got one path to walk...
Endure... Stay strong... Never give up...
If not...
I'll die...
I wonder...
Will i collapse and give up?
I am living my life alone without any support... or should I say without anyone who are able to encourage me and make an impact...
haiz.

I only have one thing left in my life...
God.

Happy mother's day...

2009-05-10T02:21:00.009+08:00

Service at church was nice today...
A touching drama ^^
let's post some picture~

there's an extra in that photo~~ the one looking behind lor lol

"da jia hao, ting dao mah? ting dao de qing da koe koe" with the malaysian slang~
lol mtt too much liao will become like this...

adrain with his stupid face and yixin~

Dinners is at,

Cheers

Babe of the day~(a snapshot~! haha)

This is my drink, which is actually... for females... But who cares? Everything become the same after it goes down your throat and come out from you ass! shit! lol

My hamburger~

alright man...
tml work...
sainz.
ai yo...
i work sainz... no work also sainz...
lol

And and
MY AIR CON IS BACK!!!!
Love it~
haha

alright, nities~

Decisions...

2009-05-09T01:38:00.004+08:00

Yea...
I have made a few greatest decision again...
I want, to forget her...
I can't take it anymore...
crying everynight...
crying all the time whenever i saw something that remind me of her...
crying in the bed looking at her sms and in the end i can't sleep...
going out wearing the ring and then start missing her suddenly and feel like crying..
i can't take it anymore...
it's affecting my life too much...
too much...

i took my courage...
i deleted all my sms in the inbox...
i tried doing it the first day... but i couldn't... just dun have the strength to press it and keep on crying...
the second... then i manage to press delete...
i dunno why am i even crying for her...when someone else already got another guy there for her... super rich guy summore...
that's it...
i will stop wearing the ring anymore also... yes i know it is damn stupid to be wearing it til now when someone else already stop wearing it like dunno long fucking long ago as she is seeing other guys when with me...
that's it i dun want to talk about her anymore...
i want her totally out of my life...
enough is enough...
i know if i contact her again or what... same result will happen...
she will have another bf outside...
I knew this will happen since first day... Which is why i never felt secured...
whatever it is...
goodbye my love... it's all over...

yea... what a big decision finally to walk back the right path of life...
second decision...
Quited dota...
yes, same thing, just delete... that's it...
well it is easier to quit this haha

Next few thing i gonna make a decision...
smoking, stop being late or skip school, procastination(especially this).
ohh well, i think procastinating is causing me to be late also... lol
smoking, i am sure xue ting will jump for joy after hearing that i finally permannently quited and not just cut down...

ahh... i have actually procastinate again...
for 1.5hrs...
lol
ok that all for now...
see ya people...

I may be always crying over love...
I may always felt lonely...
But I will always remember I promised...
To stay strong...
See me change... Like never before...

Julia's Bday celebration

2009-05-06T00:18:00.003+08:00

Ohh well, it has been a long time since i met her... haha
and i promise to catch up with her since MONTHS ago...
haha sorry girl, too busy with my stuff lol

anyway, glad that you felt happy today ^^
haha

today was a boring day in school, as usual...

sms mrs liew, my old form teacher...
something funny is, she said i am the only one who treat her as friend while other still treat her as teacher lol...
and, i need find another day free for her to meet her our for another meal...
ahh time is precious... haha

then sms natalie... another rare person... catching up plans are on weekends, which i am totally not free... lol well we'll walk one step at a time to plan when is our next meal together haha...

after school went to meet julia to celebrate her bday with her as this sunday her bday, i have no time for her either... haha
meet and went to secondary school back to collect our O lvl cert, and IT'S COOL! I LOVE MY TESTIMONY! or is it called testimonail? whatever it is... haha

Sad case, julia didn't had the chance to get it back cus she was late... VERY late... til the school close then she came, bad luck she had...
haha

went to west mall, treated her for dinner... she's in luck in this as today was my payday, my wallet is pretty much loaded lol
ohh well then went to do our usual stuff, slack smoke chill sing...
haha except we did it in somewhere we never went before... at bukit batok void deck... normally it'll be around our house area...

parting was sad, for we'll almost hardly have time to meet again...
but at least we enjoyed tonight ^^

so sad, i was saying "bye... tonight is my last night..." as if i am gonna die soon lol
and i just learn something new, she got caterpillar illness... haha
woa what the combination of caterpillar and pig? caterPIGlar
haha

haha was happy, she praise that i was such a gentleman wor~ lol
ohh well i am always one, just that she don't have much chances to go on a date with me lol~

payday just came, and i am spending close to 50% for the first week...
mothers day, sunday, i am WORKING! so meeting my mum at saturday 7pm and planning to treat her to kushinbu at jurong point...
haha

at least i am happily spending my money making someone else happy ^^
next, i am finally gonna spend on myself after such a long time...

ACCESORRIES! CLOTHINGS! NEW WALLET! NEW SHOE!
gonna buy new earings! but confirm over budget... haiz have to wait for next month... T.T
ohh man do i sound like a girl, pampering myself with such stuff... gosh...

CHALET!

2009-05-04T20:20:00.002+08:00

haha i lazy to post liao...
lol
so many things happen... and i already wrote soo long in the forum as i was requested to open a thank you thread for the chalet...
ohh well, i'll just copy and paste what i wrote...

First of all, let give our dearest Organisers a very big thank you for making this event happen.
Organisers: Callan, Babelfish, Corebooster , tinuviel07.

Secondly, thanks all of you guys who came to make this events happen too...
I will write in order of who came first(ohh well for the first few it's all mix up), if I miss out anyone moderators plz take not and edit...

Attendees:
1) Pika
2) Tiny
3) Corebie
4) Noahtay
5) Q.C
6) Bak
7) Callan
8) Hanagata
9) ReservistSainz
10) NoahTay's friend
12) Maskie
13) Bubbly
14) Bak's friend
15) Ah ger
16) Rlsh
17) Rlsh friend
18) Acid
19) Fish

Thank you for coming to this outing as only because you came, this outing is an success!

Specials thanks:
First of all, special thanks to Callan, one of the people who did the most jobs...
Also, he's our dearest chef of the day who cook the left overs food so the people in the midnight can eat it, that's hard as no one accompanies him and he is alone outside cooking while others have already eaten their fill and enjoying the air con while he is sweating like mad... Also, he is one of the people who fork out extra money for the whole event as our budget is not enough... And the sum he fork out ain't small!
Not only that, he manage to control the budget very well and could even a dvd player and a music player as the prize for the lucky draws! Wonderful isn't it?
And, he donated a lot of bottles of GOOD alcohol... yes... REAL good alcohol...
So now, what reason can you think of to not give him a special thanks?

Our chalet was at quite a remoted place... Going in and out of the chalet to buy things is just plain difficult... Our dearest Bak la va jie has rented a car just for us! That car is soooo important in that chalet! No, this ain't from the $35 you pay, she is paying it herself! And also, another great chef... When a fire started... Everyone is hungry... But Bak jie sacrifice herself and cook for all the hungry monster we had and didn't left anything for herself... How wonderful! Not only that, Bak jie are one of the people who plan the chalet, and she isn't the organiser so for her great effort in trying to make the chalet to the best, should we give her our thanks?

Huh, who marinated the food? getting their hands on the food prepare for the BBQ so you guys got to cook them? Special thanks to NoahTay, Bak la va, Callan, Corebie and me(Pika)... The spend their second day just to prepare on the food and didn't get much to enjoy... But ohh well, hopefully preparing the food is enjoying for us ^^

Also a thanks to bubbly... Even though she came for just awhile only, her small effort should be said out too... She supplied our mixer for our alcohol, and her specially made tunas and sardine! Those we our only snacks!

Another special thanks for our dearest drivers... Although some only drive onces to twice, but still they are the drivers and drove us around! Bak la va, Q.C pak, Noahtay's friend, Tiny, Bak la va's friend...

Last but not least, thanks to our dearest default organiser as he is so important, Corebooster... He is the one who book the chalet! And, Joker of the chalet awards goes to him, his the one who entertain people around with his *cold* jokes... Opps

Once again, thank you everyone!
Hope you guys enjoyed!

Alright, I will hand over this thread to the moderators and the organisers now for I am just only request to write this thank you thread only... Pretty lazy to write what happen in the events haha

See ya!

*Warning: High grammer mistake rate and poor vocab.*
*Moderators and organiser take note I may miss out peoples so plz add them in if you found out anyone is missing*

2009-05-01T04:47:00.002+08:00

ahh first time using blogger uploader for image...
normally i will manual upload then key in all the coding and the width and height... ma fan... so give it a try using blogger uploader haha

this is at yi xin house, standing at her window... nice view right! haha

Just the first day of my new life...

2009-05-01T04:41:00.003+08:00

Just the first day of my new life...
And i cried...
What a useless guy i am...
why my tears can't just seems to stop...
Where is my strong self i had in the previous week?

Stay strong plz...
You can't afford to lose this fight...
You need to challenge yourself with you tight schedule and stay mentally strong always...
Don't let anything affect you plz pika...
Stay strong...

Welcome to this new blog!

2009-04-30T16:00:00.002+08:00

Welcome to my new blog!
This blog is officially out now, and will be my main blog~!!
woots~!

come on, i need comments about my blog!
was a rush work writing the template... lol cus i lazy to think what to add in liao

suggestion plz!
hehe

For you, I will.