"Don't stay in your comfort zone"

I didn't went for my interview today...
Yes, I have fallen again to my own emotions...
Crying at home after you left...
No strength to go for my interview...

I said before...
I know what you think and know how you feel...
You can't hide anything from me...

You couldn't leave anything behind.
Especially your baby...
I wanted to use my last 6 months to help you to get strong...
To leave you past and able to rely on yourself and no one else except god... Yes no one, not even relying on me and make me your past too... Which is why I said it's ok not to have a relationship when you ask that day.
But it seems like it's wishful thinking on my part always trying my best to help...
And you doesn't even bother about it...
And he is baby to you, while I am only Pika to you.

Seems like you are not tired about the life you are having now and want to continue like this...
Then so be it...

Since you can't forget whatever things and want it so much...
Then so be it...

I said before...
If you are not willing to change and give up everything to start a new life...
I can't help anything.

I even know who exactly you went out with today...
You see...
I could read you like a book...

Whatever my efforts has gone to waste...
For you are not willing, I can't do anything...

Even when I told you I only have 6 months left...
You wanted to go back to him after the 6 month is over...

I don't wish to waste my time like this...
Sacrificing everything I have to change you while behind me, you plan to go back to your old self after it...

Let's talk about God for awhile...
God gave me something to do...
Like he gave everyone something to do, I've mine too...
And my job is, to help everyone.

I believe you know, I've always people having problems coming to me... And over the net I've always been advicing people... Especially their emotions and helping them to get strong...

There also have been cases whereby even though we never meet, but that person over the net needs me so much that she spend all her time on me over the net, treating me as her everything...
Well that's a case whereby she relied on me to feed her emotionally and let her be happy...
But my real job is, to let her walk alone strongly again...
Yea, what I am doing to these people is to help them to be able to stand strong alone, then it's good bye for us...

That's my plan for you too...
I want you to rely on me now...
Letting go of everything you have, and only have me and rely on me...
Then I'll bring make you strong...

But one thing I made a mistake is that, you won't rely on me... Because you are the only one who saw all my weaknesses... While those over the net always see me as someone they respect and someone strong...

Which is why, you never trusted I can.

Again back to God...
God gave me this job... To help people around me...
When I slided back to God after backsliding for so many years, I could hardly hear God words... But I caught a little glimpe of it...
But now I know I can communicate with God a lot better then the past...
And I know God wanted me to help as much people as possible around me as possible...
One of them is my brother, and if you realise my relationship with my brother is getting better everyday...

And God gave me a power to understand people to help people...
I at times can read people like a book... What are they thinking I know them all...
It's a very wonderful power God gave me... A very great power too...
I often understand people, but at time I have no clue how to help... You are one of them I do not know how to help...

Well...
I've decided to go into NS asap...
Since the 6 months is no longer needed...
Hopefully after the 2 years, I know how to use the power God gave me better...
And if you haven't change...
I'll be back to help you...

Ohh anyway,
About Andy...
He's not stupid either... Unlike a lot of other guys in your life, he knows what you need... The need to not rely on others and stand strong alone...
He actually can help you to a certain extent too...
Well it's not creepy that I know what is he thinking...
Even with the slightest information, I know that he is smart...
Haha that's the power God gave me...
To understand people and know what are they thinking...
But still, he has one weakness that block him from helping you...
In fact, the same weakness that I had...

If you realise...
I did not ask you to stop contacting him...
I only ask you, are you going to still contact with him...
But til now, you have never answer that question...
If only you had answer that question... I would have the next step for you...
Either yes or no, I've plan for that...
But I won't deny, I was hoping for a no, and know that the answer in your heart is a Yes...

Well...
I guess it's time to end this post...
There is actually just one phrase that you need to understand for you to get the kick start of going into a new life with happiness...
"Don't stay in your comfort zone."
Haha it's very hard to understand... And the only thing I want to do this 6 months is to let you understand that...
Since I won't be leading you anymore...
Please...
You can forget about all things...
But just remember that phrase...
"Don't stay in your comfort zone."

This is the thing...
That is making me happy now... Even though at time i still couldn't control my emotions...
But because of this phrase which I use almost a year to understand what can it give me... I am becoming more and more happy...
That's the thing...
I wanted to give you...
That's the thing...
Which will help you...
That's the thing, which will make you strong...

That's a thing which actually give you a lot of other things...
And you need to do a lot of things to achieve that...

Remember that phrase...
Don't give up in seeking your happiness in yourself...
Happiness is gain by yourself...
You can't be happy relying on others except God and yourself...

I'll see you again...
And I won't give up in trying to help you to achieve True happiness...
A real thing...
But if you can do it yourself...
Then good...
Remember that phrase and think about it real hard all the time...
^^

With loves,
Pika

flew into your heart at [6:02 PM]